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Getting To The Me Of It
A reflection on time and how
it should be spent
I have recently gotten much better at saying NO,
and I think I’m beginning to piss some people off.
I accept full responsibility for this situation,
because for years I have been overscheduled. The commentary that people make
about how busy I stay should have been more closely heeded long before now.
Jokes about me being a shark who never stays still,
the wide-eyed looks and shaken heads from friends as I describe my recent
activities casually, or the straight-up arguments with dates or mates who can’t
seem to get equal access to my attention that my radio shows or students have
had. All signs, all clues for which I’ve dreamt up many a convenient excuse. But I’m in Stress Rehab
now. Have mercy on a woman in recovery, please.
I have a friend who unknowingly sped up this
process for me. We’ll call her SuperProf (as in Super-Professional-Black-Woman-on-a-Mission).
She’s young, attractive and quite successful. Part of the Type-A personality,
DC Metro set complete with husband, house and hefty responsibilities. We
serve on a Board together, and over the past year, I have sat slack-jawed at
my computer reading lengthy emails that she’s written from her BlackBerry at 4 am when she’s supposed to be on
vacation. And that’s just one example. Anybody who knows me knows that when I
am on vacation, I am completely incommunicado. No email, barely any phone
contact, seriously unplugged. Which is why I try to escape
the States at least 2 weeks out of every year. But not SuperProf! She’s a one-woman whirlwind of proposals,
substantive suggestions, and efficient outlines. God bless her and her hubby,
but I don’t know when she sleeps, let alone makes time to kick back and do
nothing of consequence. And as much as I admire her tenacity, I do not want
to be like that. I want to openly embrace the opportunity to unwind without coercion
and to leave myself time to merely breathe uninterrupted every now and then.
So, as we rapidly approach 2008, my mission is to
pare down my responsibilities enough to earn a decent living, but also get
back to the essence of my creative self. Hard to believe that a year ago, I
was living life as a vocalist in Singapore. Waking every morning to grab a quick breakfast and pour though a long
list of great novels before rehearsing with my band and singing for audiences
4 nights a week. There hasn’t been a whole lot of time to compose songs, edit
film or just write for pleasure since I’ve been back stateside. The realities
of earning money and maintaining a quality of life here has been too
compelling. But if I’m to find any real peace, I’m going to have to strike a
more definitive balance between the constant mogulizing
and the backpack-and-granola chick I am deep down inside. Time and money mean
nothing unless you make room to enjoy them.
I refuse to accept that life is really all or
nothing. I am a huge believer in the power of possibility.
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